


Total Eclipses and Panic Attacks

by SquishySterek (Herm_own_ninny)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Bonding, Multi, PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTES, Pack Bonding, Pack Cuddles, Panic Attacks, Post-Nogitsune, Stiles is the pack emissary, eclipse - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-05 18:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15869238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herm_own_ninny/pseuds/SquishySterek
Summary: The Nogitsune really did a number on Stiles. But the pack still took him on as their emissary. They let the bonds trickle into place, and now Stiles is trying to manage his own deteriorating sanity and a handful of other's anxiety about the upcoming eclipse. Naturally, the only thing he can do is fall to pieces.





	Total Eclipses and Panic Attacks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hisaribi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisaribi/gifts).



> I originally had [this idea](http://squishysterek.tumblr.com/post/164497974315/posting-my-general-idea-for-sterekwritingrooms) from a prompting blog off of Tumblr, but I decided to use it to fulfill a pinch hit prompt for this exchange.  
> I have the piece rated as mature because of the mention of anxiety, panic attacks, and some darker thoughts and situations throughout the piece. Just as a precaution. Please stay safe and don't read anything that would be detrimental to your health.  
> I hope everyone enjoys it, especially the lovely hisaribi I wrote it for! ♥  
> (If opening Tumblr links isn't your cup of tea, skip to the end notes for the original idea/thought process laid out here.)

Stiles nearly fell to the ground with the intensity of emotions that slammed into him when Peter informed the pack of what would happen during the eclipse. They would be unable to shift, their powers would essentially be reduced to nothing. They would practically be human again.  
Erica was fretting about her seizures becoming an issue again. Boyd was comforting her as best he could, reminding her they could stay in their room at the loft and keep her secluded so it would be unlikely to be triggered.  
The Nogitsune and its attack were still fresh in everyone's minds, Stiles’ especially. There hadn't been an issue for far too long, and they were all waiting for the ball to drop. Finding out about their weakness had the pack worried they would be attacked that night. Peter, Derek, and Stiles were busying themselves with protection spells in the meantime, while Isaac paced and generally set an anxious mood for them.  
Stiles was especially hit hard, trying to muddle through the set of six emotions rattling around inside his head. He wasn't eating unless he was reminded to, and even then he kept to plain foods so he wouldn't throw up. He laughed bitterly in the face of sleep, instead focusing on his schoolwork or any means of protection he could scrounge up.  
He was to the point he had to dig his nails into his palms until he bled to get his mind to focus on whatever was at hand. Peter and Derek would wordlessly rub his shoulder and drain the pain back once he'd finished what he'd set out to do. Boyd became his unspoken nurse of sorts, making sure any open wounds on Stiles’ hands or legs was cleaned properly. They couldn't lose their emissary, too.

 

 

  
 

* * *

 

 

T-Minus 5 days until the eclipse was the first time it happened. Stiles was walking through the crowded halls of Beacon Hills High, unable to take the Lesser Travelled Path from fourth period to fifth because he was racing across campus in under 3 minutes. His English teacher didn't give a damn where he was coming from; if Stiles didn't cross the threshold into the classroom before the bell rang, he was tardy.

He was going to be tardy today.  
But as he was ducking around his peers, weaving in and out of bodies and trying to make it on time, Stiles was suddenly riddled with anxiety. Something was wrong, he knew that, but what it was remained a mystery. What if someone around him knew he had magic? That there were werewolves? What if Stiles inadvertently revealed his pack to his entire class, who spread it and brought hunters to their doorstep? They wouldn't be able to protect themselves.  
Someone shoved past Stiles, throwing him against the lockers. The clanging rang in his ears, throwing him deeper into the dark spots that seemed hell bent on taking over his mind today.  
Reaching a hand out and throwing that kid through the ceiling would have been easy with the Nogitsune. Killing it had left him with too many memories and thoughts that weren't his, but also a multitude of powers at his disposal that left him as volatile as a newly bitten wolf. A wishful thought for a paper to already be written, for someone to trip or for a teacher to explain something again was all it took at times. Enough incidents and someone could start connecting the dots. That couldn't happen, because then his pack would be in trouble. So would his dad, maybe even Melissa. Stiles-no, the Nogitsune had killed Scott, but who's to say a rogue hunter wouldn't be able to connect the dots once they found out who Stiles was? They could easily take out Melissa without stopping to ask her. She still helped the pack in dire emergencies.  
Even dad could be killed. Stiles would end up killing everyone around him if he couldn't get these powers in che-  
The harsh blaring noise of the bell for the end of passing period ripped Stiles from his thoughts. Fuck. Mrs. Osborne was going to give him detention today. He was still halfway across campus.

 

 

  
 

* * *

 

 

The second time it happened, Stiles wasn't really sure what he was doing beforehand. He was at least 76% sure he'd been running the trail for his athletics period, but the only thing he could remember at the moment was opening his eyes. The leaves on the ground in front of him and falling from his face were a beautiful mixture of golden brown, bright red, soft yellows, and the occasional still green leaf. He had to stop a moment and think about the amazing things nature made happen at random, at how the cholorophyl breakdown caused these soothing colors, and the occasional anthocyanin pigments would show themselves and serve a gorgeous red pop of color. Then he took a fraction of a second to curse his freshman biology teacher for making him remember these stupid facts but not being able to lecture about apoptosis and what it actually was. Programmed cell death. Programmed death. Death.  
**The eclipse.**  
Stiles was flooded with emotion once more, his brain finally clicking into place and letting the chemical imbalances make themselves known. Now the ground in front of Stiles was muddied with his own stomach contents as he pushed himself backwards. He landed hard on his butt, his hands righting him before he fell onto his back. Breathing was a difficult task at the moment, the blood rushing in his ears drowning out the usually gentle rise and fall of his chest. He just couldn't take in a deep breath. A thought would rear its head and the air was shoved from him. His tongue was numb, his lips and fingers tingling, his chest hurt, but his mind wouldn't shut up.  
_A witch stepping in and shoving shards of glass through the chests of his packmates. Deucalion making his comeback and sinking his claws into their chests before dropping their lifeless bodies to the floor as his eyes glowed their eerie red. The Nogitsune laughing hysterically as he showed himself to not truly be dead, shoving Stiles to a viewing window in his mind, making him watch as his own hands were used to kill the people he loved. Gerard showing up, miraculously cured because the world is unfair and putting a wolfsbane bullet in every single one of their brains._

Somehow Stiles was able to cup his hands over his mouth and focus on the noise of his breath. The louder the gasps, the more he could drown out his thoughts and focus on slowing them down. It was a little hard to pucker his numbing lips so his exhales were audible, but once he managed to make it happen, his breathing started to even out. He slowly came back into focus.  
His eyes were sticky and burning, his cheeks wet from tears. His nose was a little runny, too. Each expansion of his chest felt as if he were being stabbed with a board of nails, but the pain anchored him even further into reality. He could hear leaves crunching, soft voices a few feet away. So, he'd been spotted, and now would be the talk of everyone he never wanted to know.  
There was a gentle hand on his shoulder and Stiles could barely make out the blurry figure of Isaac. He collapsed against his friend's chest, hands still cupped around his mouth as his eyes fell shut. Boyd was busy cussing people out and telling them to fuck off, warning them to delete the videos if they wanted to keep their appendages. Erica was speaking quietly to Finstock, trying to keep him at bay. Isaac was murmuring encouragements to Stiles, arms sliding around him to root him to the spot.

He was excused from his classes the rest of the day.  
Peter made sure of it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Everything came to a disastrous head the night before the eclipse.

Stiles and Derek had been running errands together throughout the day, trying to keep the other distracted. He even let Stiles drive the Camaro, keeping a hand on his thigh and tracing circles over his jeans to keep them both settled.  
Stiles had actually enjoyed his day. Derek had taken him clothes shopping for the coming winter. Unlike Peter, he'd allowed him to still only shop at Target and not buy much more than he would have if dad had taken him. It was comforting and uneventful, save for the really attractive cashier that had hit on Derek _and_ Stiles, writing his number for the both of them on the back of the receipt.  
Since Stiles was paying for groceries this time around, they split up between the Dollar Tree and Aldi, going to Whole Foods last for the foods Peter ate that couldn't be bought anywhere else. Stiles would be lying if he said he didn't munch on the stupid $11 a pound trail mix himself from time to time. It was good.  
They ran into Kira and Stiles had acted mute, keeping his head down and practically hiding behind Derek as he made polite conversation with her and her dad. A reminder of two people Stiles had killed.  
They'd left quickly after that, Derek deciding on a dinner for just the two of them at their favorite restaurant. It was a little hole in the wall sushi joint just outside of downtown. Everything was handmade and they didn't overcharge like most places. Thankfully, avocado was also pretty much non-existent on the menu. They were both a bit tired of how much it had flooded the food choices at every restaurant. It's not that it was bad, they were just getting tired of it.

In fact, they were talking about exactly that while Stiles was attempting to make a left hand turn off of a busy street when it happened. It was dark out, so the only real method of tracking other vehicles was headlight intensity. The car behind Stiles seemed to be driving a little too quickly to slow down and stop if he didn't turn off the road soon. Which is why he started pulling out. But then the car in the opposing lane seemed to be driving faster than he thought and was a lot closer. What if the car behind him didn't stop in time and hit the rear end of the Camaro? What if that threw him completely into the opposing lane, and the other cars rammed into the passenger side? Derek was already starting to lose his healing abilities. He wouldn't be able to comfortably withstand a car ramming into his door. And if another car hit the back of that one and only made it worse? Stiles could kill Derek in this moment. Like he killed Scott. And Mrs. Yukimura. Only able to watch it happen and do nothing to stop it.  
He didn't know exactly what happened, but Derek was shaking his shoulder and yelling his name, multiple sets of car horns blaring at him as they swerved off the road to keep from hitting him.  
Stiles slammed his foot on the gas and made it across the street before pulling up on to the curb and setting the Camaro in park. His hands were shaky as his fingers went numb, the tip of his tongue and lips starting to tingle. _Again_ , why again? Why nearly killing Derek?  
He fumbled with the seatbelt for far too long before Derek clicked it for him. Stiles opened the door and fell to the ground on his hands and knees, gasping for air and unable to take in more than a measly breath. Whether his eyes were blurry from a lack of oxygen or his own tears, he wasn't sure. Maybe it was a mixture of both.  
His shoulder hurt a lot, so he let his arms buckle. His elbows were his means of support now as he kept desperately trying to take in any kind of oxygen.

Stiles didn't know how long he was bent over like that, choking on what little air he could take in. Derek was just suddenly there, pulling Stiles up to rest on his own knees, setting his hands on his shoulders. He didn't say anything, just squeezed slightly before cupping his hand over Stiles’ mouth.  
His breathing sounded absolutely horrid right now. It was more of a rasp, his exhales a grating cough or wheeze. That's probably why he felt so dizzy.  
He closed his eyes and focused on Derek's hand still on his shoulder, rooting him to the spot. Calm and collected, safe. _Breathe like that_.  
The first few attempts were futile, Derek murmuring something Stiles couldn't make out. He blindly felt around until his hand settled on Derek’s face, cupped over his mouth. He hoped he understood. He needed something to copy.  
Derek didn't seem to understand at first, trying to move away and say something. Stiles made some mixture of a frustrated and desperate noise, moving his hand back and trying to take in a shaky breath. That's when Derek seemed to understand.  
A deep inhale and a slow exhale through puckered lips. Stiles tried to do the same. His inhale was interrupted by a broken sob, his exhale too quick.  
Derek squeezed his shoulder and did it again. This time Stiles at least managed to take a somewhat normal breath, his exhale shaky and patchy. But better. Derek said something that sounded encouraging, showing Stiles what he needed to do again.  
They worked together until Stiles was breathing somewhat normally, albeit a bit heavily. His senses were finally starting to work past their little bubble. The cars on the street were moving at a steady pace, the crunch of gravel and roar of engines letting Stiles know he hadn't caused a wreck. He opened his eyes and waited for them to focus on Derek. His stomach twisted at the fear and worry still etched into his face.  
Stiles closed his eyes again and bowed his head, clearing his throat before coughing quietly.

A car pulled up behind Stiles, the engine cutting off before two sets of feet landed on the ground and shut the doors loudly. Worry.  
“Is he okay now?” Peter asked softly. Stiles could only assume he was crouched beside him, a warm palm settling between his shoulder blades as another settled on his thigh. He knew Isaac was the counterpart by the way his long fingers combed through his hair and scratched his scalp. He leaned against Isaac’s thigh, pulling the hand from Derek’s face to wrap around his leg and hold him there.  
Derek squeezed his shoulder lightly before settling a hand lightly on Stiles’ knee.  
“He's breathing now. I think he just got overwhelmed and had a panic attack.”  
Peter hummed quietly and massaged his fingers over Stiles’ back.  
He didn't care to look, to see where the two of them went, because Isaac was moving to sit on the ground. He didn't say anything, just maneuvered them so Stiles was between his legs, settled against his chest and nuzzling against his neck.  
“What happened?”  
Stiles didn't respond right away, tangling his fingers in Isaac’s scarf and clearing his throat.  
“I panicked.”  
“About what?”  
“There were a lot of cars. The one behind me wasn't slowing down. I wasn't really sure where the other one was. It's really dark on the street right there. But I got scared, so I pulled out to turn. Then the other car looked a lot closer. And I just thought… what if the car behind me hit me and then the other one hit Derek’s side? You guys are already losing your healing ability. Derek couldn't handle a car crash right now. No one could,” Stiles was whispering, his breathing picking up in pace again as he clung to Isaac. This time tears welled up as his body started trembling.  
“And you froze up, blacked out,” Isaac murmured, brushing his fingers through Stiles’ hair.  
“I could've killed Derek,” he whimpered, closing his eyes tight. “Like I killed Scott. And Kira’s mom.”  
Stiles heard a low growl behind him before there was a hand on his shoulder. “You didn't kill them.”  
Peter.  
“I couldn't stop the Nogitsune. I killed them. And I would've killed Derek.”  
“You have that little faith in Derek’s ability to not die?” Isaac murmured, the hints of a smile at the corners of his mouth. “Come on, Stiles, you're usually the only one who believes in him.”  
Stiles let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head before wiping his tears. “He can only come back from the dead so many times.”  
“As long as you're alive, someone has to be with you to make sure you don't do something stupid and hurt yourself,” Derek huffed in amusement, stepping up behind Isaac and smiling fondly at Stiles.  
“Not to mention Peter. Two resurrections is seriously pushing it. The third time might be Death’s charm.”  
Peter chuckled quietly and kissed Stiles’ temple as he turned to hug him.  
“We should head back to the loft. Erica and Boyd could be getting worried.”  
“Can I still have sushi?” Stiles asked quietly, tracing patterns over Peter’s exposed chest where his v-neck dipped ridiculously low.  
“I'll run and grab the sushi while Derek and Peter get you back. Sound good?” Isaac murmured. Stiles nodded, following them to his feet before hugging Isaac tight and nuzzling against his cheek.  
They watched him drive off in Peter's Range Rover before Stiles and Peter clambered into the back seat of the Camaro.  
Stiles ended up with Peter in his lap, settled against his chest and humming along quietly to the music Derek had playing. He traced patterns over the older man’s face, zoning out from reality, his mind taking a much needed break.

He could feel the low current of worry oozing from Erica and Boyd, but it was overshadowed by the warmth and content radiating from Peter at the moment. He could pick out Derek’s calm presence, a bit of anxiety tacked on to it. It had lowered exponentially in the past 20 minutes, along with Isaac’s.

“What are you thinking about, little fox?”  
“I was just checking in to see how everyone was.”  
“And how am I?”  
“Ridiculously content.”  
“I was scared I might lose a pack member tonight, but now he's safe and I'm with him. I think I deserve some happiness for the moment.”  
Stiles giggled quietly, brushing Peter’s hair back from his forehead before brushing his fingers over the skin there. “I'm sorry for scaring you.”  
“Don't apologize for your mind fighting against you. You don't need to. Especially to me,” he murmured, reaching up to squeeze Stiles’ wrist.  
Stiles tangled their fingers together and rested their joined hands against Peter's shoulder before bringing his free hand from his chest to trace patterns against his neck and clavicle.  
“Thank you.”  
They rode in silence for a while, Stiles grinning stupidly at Derek and Peter's horridly out of tune harmonizing to Adele’s Rolling In The Deep. It truly was horrible.  
But once it finished they quieted down. Peter seemed to be mulling over something.  
“You okay?”  
“You know the Nogitsune wasn't your fault, right?” Peter murmured, running his thumb against Stiles’ palm where their fingers were still awkwardly tangled together. Stiles stiffened beneath him, clearing his throat quietly and purposely staring out the window across from him.  
“Stiles, I'm serious. You know that, right?”  
He knew Peter already knew the answer, but there seemed to be some kind of anger welling up in him.  
“You know it was Deaton’s fault for subjecting you to that and causing you to be bared to negative things in a way you never should have been, right?”  
“I was too weak to fight it off,” Stiles whispered, shifting a bit and pulling his hand from Peter’s grip and setting his arm on the back of the seat.  
“You were 16. It was an ancient being. You don't honestly blame yourself for being too weak to fight against that, do you?” Peter frowned, rolling over to stare at Stiles incredulously. At a lack of vocal response and returned eye contact, Peter groaned quietly and let his forehead knock against Stiles’ chest. “I can't believe we let you carry that around. It absolutely is not your fault. You still _are_ a child. You've fought against things you shouldn't have had to until you were well into your twenties, maybe even your thirties. You're still a child, Stiles.”  
“I haven't been a kid since I was seven, Peter,” Stiles sighed, sitting up and forcing him to sit back on his heels.  
“You should have gotten to be one,” Peter sighed, reaching over and squeezing Stiles’ thigh. He started shifting to put his legs down but Stiles instead grabbed his shoulders, pulling him to lean against his chest as he shifted sideways. “Sorry, but, uh, I-”  
Peter chuckled, patting his thigh before getting comfortable against Stiles’ chest. “You're as bad as Derek used to be.”

They made it back to the loft without incident, Stiles allowing himself to be given a piggy back ride up to the room by Derek. He knew the wolves needed contact for their own nerves, and he wasn't going to say no after his knees nearly buckled when he got out of the car.  
Erica and Boyd were waiting outside of Derek’s door for them. The second the trio stepped off the elevator Erica was hugging Stiles, letting him awkwardly get down from Derek’s back without letting go of him. Boyd seemed to find it endearingly entertaining, ruffling Stiles’ hair before following him and Erica back inside. It was more of a waddle, what with the way Stiles was being crushed, but he could allow it with the soft whimpers she kept making whenever she nuzzled his neck.  
They settled on the couch, Erica with Stiles in her lap, combing through his hair and holding him tight.  
“You know I'm okay now, right?”  
“They said there was nearly a bad wreck. And then you weren't breathing,” She murmured, tracing shaky fingers down the side of his neck before setting a hand over his heart. “I wouldn't be able to handle losing you.”  
“Somehow the universe hasn't killed me, yet, so I think you're okay on that front.”  
Erica huffed and closed her eyes, pressing her noise in Stiles’ hair and inhaling deeply. “I don't like not being able to smell you as much.”  
Stiles smiled and brushed his knuckles over her cheek, smiling at Boyd and motioning him over. “You have to cuddle me, or something. I can feel your emotions and your anxiety is getting on my nerves. Drop the Derek 2.0 act and get over here.”  
Erica was smirking at her boyfriend, making grabby hands at him along with Stiles. Boyd couldn't help his smile as he moved from the recliner to the couch. He ended up lifting Erica and setting her against his chest, reaching around and setting his hand on Stiles’ chest.  
“Much better, thank you,” Stiles teased, nuzzling against Boyd’s hand before settling comfortably against Erica and yawning. “Am I allowed to sleep here? You're very comfy.”  
“Stiles,” Boyd huffed in an amused warning tone, flicking his chest.  
“What! It's true? Erica has always been an amazing cuddler. She's the best.”  
“I can't argue with that,” Erica grinned, leaning back to kiss Boyd’s cheek as Stiles carefully rearranged himself against her front.  
“But, honestly, do I need to grab a pillow or something? I use people as pillows all the time, but I don't want to-”  
“You're fine, Stiles. I know you won't take advantage of me in any way,” Erica reassured him, combing through his hair. “You've been dealing with all of our stress and your own. Get some rest,” She murmured.  
Stiles nodded and nuzzled against her neck, sighing happily as his eyes fell shut.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The eclipse arrived and passed without incident. With the six of them in continuous contact with each other throughout the day, vegging out on the couch to junk food and Parks and Rec, Stiles was able to keep his head on straight.  
No panic attacks. No seizures. No past nightmares rearing their head, suddenly alive. No surprise attack on the loft. No death.  
Just cuddles and smiles and yawns and naps.

The eclipse itself was gorgeous that night, but they were too fast asleep to take note of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I [Tumbl](http://squishysterek.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> The original idea:  
>  _Posting my general idea for @sterekwritingroom’s Eclipse Flash Event because I had no time to write what I wanted, but for my eclipse piece, Stiles is the Hale Pack Emissary. The wolves simply become anxious and troubled with the event, they can’t shift and the idea of not being able to properly be able to defend themselves and each other has them wigging out. Stiles is connected to them all, what with being emissary, and to have such an overwhelming amount of anxiety thrust onto him causes his mind to short circuit. All through the next few days, his mind takes in a situation and immediately shows him worst case scenario that could happen. The hallucinations keep growing with his anxiety, Stiles unable to help his pack and stamp it out when he already deals with his own. Everything comes to a head when he’s about to make a turn off the road at night, on the way to a dinner date with Derek. There’s a car behind him that doesn’t seem to be slowing down, and he’s decided to pull out because the car in the opposite Lane seems to be far enough away. He freezes as a thought comes to mind, imagining a crash where the car behind him rear ends the Camaro into neighboring traffic, the oncoming car can’t stop quick enough and Stiles stops the car in the middle of both lanes as his brain short circuits. The horns snap him out of it, as well as Derek shaking his shoulder and yelling at him. He pulls off the main road and leaves the Camaro in park, can’t even turn it off before he’s tripping over the sidewalk and faceplanting into the grass, too preoccupied with trying to breath to get up. Derek gets out and sits with him, tries to get him to shut out the anxiety flowing in from their betas and now himself. When he finally gets Stiles calm he calls Peter who comes with Isaac, Peter drives them back in the Camaro while Isaac takes the Range Rover back. Pack cuddles ensue with everyone doing their part to try and cheer up Stiles and get his mind off of them._


End file.
